Not everyone wants their divorce made public. Unfortunately, if your divorce is litigated by the court your privacy goes out the window. Your divorce becomes part of the public record which means strangers can read the terms. Yes, this is a little unnerving to know strangers may be actively discussing your divorce.
In Connecticut, divorcing couples have another option. They can go through divorce mediation and keep everything private. Before you go this route, understanding the role of a CT divorce mediator is key. It also helps to know what to expect during the process.
You know your divorce attorney is on your side. The same goes for your soon-to-be former spouse’s attorney. Your lawyers are only concerned with helping you and your former spouse get favorable terms in the divorce. So, your attorney is working against your former spouse’s lawyer. Yes, this can lead to some contentious arguments, sometimes only involving the attorneys.
A divorce mediator is different. The mediator is always a neutral third party, there aren’t any exceptions. The divorce mediator doesn’t take sides and often isn’t going to offer possible solutions. Instead, the role of a divorce mediator is to encourage conversations. These conversations are between you and your spouse and the goal is to work out an acceptable agreement.
If you can reach an agreement during divorce mediation, you can skip litigating your case in family court. This means your divorce stays private instead of becoming part of the public record.
Your first session with a divorce mediator usually isn’t your last. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It usually takes divorcing couples a few sessions to work everything out. Fortunately, things tend to get a little easier after the first session. Everyone has a better idea of what to expect. Chances are, you’ve also started addressing some of the issues holding up your divorce.
To help keep the first session moving past the introductory state, you should plan on bringing some documentation. What you bring depends on the particulars of your marriage and divorce.
For example, couples with prenuptial agreements may not need to bring a lot of financial documents. This is when your divorce attorney can help. Your attorney can help you collect and organize your paperwork. Here’s a quick look at some of the types of documentation commonly brought to divorce mediation:
Remember, this is just a list of common documents used in divorce mediation. Some of these may not apply to you. For example, you’re not going to submit childcare costs if you and your former spouse are childless.
You’ve probably seen news stories or watched true-crime dramas where one spouse tries hiding assets from the other. If it’s a true crime show, murder is usually involved so let’s hope this isn’t going to apply to your divorce. With that being said, be ready to be transparent about everything during mediation.
Even if the court orders you to attend divorce mediation, you’re still not under oath. However, this doesn’t give you license to start lying about assets or your former spouse’s behavior. Your untruths can get back to the family court judge who may decide to penalize you for your behavior. Being less than transparent also kind of cancels out the purpose of going to mediation.
The goal of mediation is for you and your former spouse to work out an agreement. If one or both of you are dishonest, you can’t reach an agreement.
Letting a judge decide the terms of your divorce isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, it takes most of the control away from you and your spouse. The judge’s ruling is also final so you’re stuck with the decision, at least until you file an appeal.
With mediation, you and your former spouse are in control of the terms of your divorce. You’re still probably not going to get everything you want but at least you have a say.
