Finals.
The word makes me shudder, even more than 20 years out of high school. My own junior high son is now experiencing the same distress. With only two weeks to go, he must somehow find it within himself to focus on finals.
I should back up a few steps and note that having the two words “son” and “focus” in the same sentence any day is a challenge. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. We tried a few years of different medications. In the end, both he and both of his parents preferred the kid he was without medications, as opposed to the far more than the sleepy, confused, and often ill boy that he was on them.
Every family with an ADHD child must make its own choice when it comes to medication. I only know that each child is different, and each solution is different. For us, we decided no meds are best, but it also requires my son to really strap down when and as he can to do his very best.
My son, Seamus, is just 13. Come summer’s end he will turn 14. In some ways, he is absolutely a teenager, eating us out of house and home, sleeping long hours, growing like a weed, etc. But, in some ways he is also still my little boy. He needs help to remember his lunch. He constantly leaves cups, socks, dirty clothes all over the floor. He forgets to hand in homework. Because of his illness, we have to remember to take a deep breath and help him along the way.
I occasionally go “tough mom” and think he should wing it on his own for a while. I give him a few weeks (or this year even a full marking period) to try things out on “his own.” Yes, I’m still watching from behind the curtain, but I do try. I think it is important for him to realize how much he still needs to learn, how much he needs methods and systems to make the world work for him.
He’s found many of those as time has progressed. He knows lists help. He knows keeping all work or papers in one place is ideal. He knows things like a hook for his bag, a desk for his papers, and a space for one’s lunchbox are things that can help him remember or stay organized. Does he always follow these things? No. Does it always work? No.
Nonetheless, he, just like all of his fellow students, will strap down to complete finals. He is undergoing two such stress-filled exams today. Two more will follow tomorrow. Finally, Friday he will complete the final two finals. Somehow, I’m likely as stressed as he is.
Each night prior, we’ve studied ourselves silly. We reviewed study guides, read over tough chapters, and made flash cards. Mom even whipped up a few practice exams to see how we were fairing.
How has he done? I haven’t a clue. We won’t know likely until the school year’s end, another week at least from now. He needs to do well, at least pass, to get into the next year, his final of junior high. No, mom is definitely not ready to process even thinking about high school.
I find finals extra stressful. By Memorial Day, kids have mostly checked out of school. Some teachers have, as well. It is tough to strap down and focus for homework, let alone a test.
Instead, finals are designed to compile the year’s learnings and ask each and every student to remember the very crucial key points. It takes over nine months of education, and boils it into a test…one exam.
To add to the pressure, the exam is, of course ,also worth a large percentage of your grade. This ensures that if you were to fail, you’d likely have a pretty big chance of failing the course or minimally the marking period.
I’m long past the seventh grade. Gone are my days of tests and exams, filling in tiny bubbles with a number-two pencil. And, as much as I can commiserate, help prepare, and assure he gets decent meals, sleep and routines, I cannot be there. I cannot do it for him. I have to do my best to prepare him, and then let him go.
It is the same for the “real world.” I have to help this child to grow. I have to arm him with the best tools and systems I can. I will teach him all I can. But, in the end, just like I have to put him on the bus for his own school day of exams, so too must I eventually release him into the real world…to let him go.
I’m not there yet. I am not sure I ever will be. I hope he is. I hope he becomes more and more prepared as he ages. I hope he remembers some of the methods and tricks for focus. I pray he remains a responsible, sensible, caring, and adorable…like he has been since the day he was born. I hope we have armed him with all he needs. But mostly, that is all I can do…hope and pray. He has to find his way. And he will. Whether mommy is ready or not.
See also:
Montco Mommy: 10 Unsaid Rules For Theme Park Fun
Montco Mommy: Blame it On the Rain
Montco Mommy: Mother's Day Planning
Montco Mommy: Parental Drinking Etiquette
