I sit here writing this while I wait for my next CT
scan.
Thirty-eight years on this earth, and I never had a CT scan before. Now, it is
part of my regimen for the next few years. It's a frustrating reminder that,
not long ago, I was broken. It's a frustrating reminder that it could happen
again.
A year ago, I would breeze through the medical questionnaires. My answer was
"no" all the way down the chart. Now, I must take my time and read
each question. I have to keep in mind as I check down the list that I had two
surgeries, that I had chemo, that I had cancer.
Growing up, I had an uncle—who has since passed away—that was unnaturally
strong. I would hear stories and tales of his strength, like the one time he
held up the back of a Volkswagen Beetle so someone else could change the flat
tire. He was a superhero to me, and I idolized his strength.
As a teenager, I got to work with him at a landscaping company. His nickname
there was “Hercules.” Once people learned that we were related, I got the
nickname “Mini-Hercules,” and that made me so proud. I tried my hardest to live
up to the hype, carrying more than I should and pushing myself harder than
people twice my age. I was, after all and in my mind, Mini Hercules.
Now, I sit here staring at a chart, reminded that, not so long ago, I was at
times too weak to walk up the steps in my home. I sit here staring at the
possibility, while slim, that I could be that weak again one day--that the
cancer could come back.
This reminder is frustrating. But, it is also liberating. It puts life into
perspective. My existence is fragile, I am vulnerable, and life is too precious
to take for granted.
So, I'll take this reminder and use it. I'll be more aware to say "I love
you" to the ones that deserve it. I'll be more mindful of the impact I'm
directly and indirectly having on the people around me. I'll be extra kind to a
stranger. I’ll hold that door. I’ll stop letting life get in the way and reach
out to the people I have been putting off. I’ll be more patient, because after
all, everyone has their own struggles going on. I’ll check the ones that need
looking after. I’ll be a better father, a friend, and lover. I’ll take this
reminder and use it as motivation to become the best version of me.
As they call my name, I realize, I am grateful for this reminder. The thought of mortality is scary. The thought of not living this amazing life to the fullest is far scarier.
See also:
Our Rebuild: Make Yourself A Priority
Our Rebuild: The Journey Begins Today
Comedian Buddy Harris To Write Column For North Penn Now
Local Comedian Overwhelmed By Support Following Cancer Diagnosis
