To booze or not to booze, that is the question. And, when it comes to being a mother, I think there is much debate about what is and is not OK on this front. Where do you stand?
Drinking in general is a subject with a lot of grey area. There are legal parameters even. It is legal to drink. But it is illegal to become intoxicated. It is illegal to drive under the influence. Of course, parameters are set by the law in order to keep order and to keep the public safe.
But, inside your own home, those rules must be set by the heads of household. With families, that means the parents decide. And those decisions, as most are, are influenced by a number of sources. Many may base their drinking habits on that of their parents. If they had knock-down drunk parents, they may not drink a drop, for fear of becoming just like them. Or, maybe because of nurture or because of nature, they do exactly the same.
Other parents may base how much they consume more on society, or the norms of those around them. If your friend has a glass of wine at dinner, it must be OK for you to do so, as well. If your friend has a few beers at the neighborhood picnic, it then too must be rather acceptable to the society.
When one of those persons, however, is a parent, it can lead to a somewhat different set of rules. We are no longer simply responsible for ones’ self. We have children. We have a family. We have a home and job and persons that rely and depend on us. We have far less opportunity to make life choices in general that do not impact those arounds us. We no longer live in the carefree “bubble” of our youth. Our choices have consequences. A DUI can cost us a job, our insurance, our freedom. There is seemingly far much more at stake.
However, just two weeks ago I wrote of the importance of you being you. Whether you are a mother or not, you are also a person. You deserve to do what also makes you happy.
No, I’m not advocating every mom starts her day with a shot of whiskey and proceeds through her world in a drunken haze (though, gee, wouldn’t that make PTA more interesting? Haha). But, if having the occasional beer, glass of wine or night out helps you function? Why not?
As with many aspects of mothering, how much one does or does not drink is an easy to judge, often oversimplified topic of discussion, when I’m not entirely sure it should be. Yes, to be clear, I’m on the side that drinks. I don’t get black-out drunk in front of my kids, and for that matter, I have not been that drunk since college. I don’t do it to excess on a regular basis. But, I do enjoy a few beers now and then. It is a nice way to unwind from a hectic day, to de-stress with some good music and fresh air with an ice cold one after a busy day at work.
Does this make me a terrible parent? I’d vote no. Some may see it differently. I’m by all means not advocating alcoholism. I’m not in any way saying it is ok to drink and drive. It NEVER, EVER is. But in a safe and secure environment, to limits you know your body tolerates, I do not see a problem with even parents having adult beverages, yes even in the home.
It just seems this is a topic with a huge amount of grey area. There are far, far extremes, from those that never allow a drop in the house, to those that need true, professional help for overdoing it. But between those, there is a ton of grey. Fifty shades has nothing on this amount of grey.
I think it is easy for some to make judgement or assumptions based on limited information in this area, as well. Yes, Betsy one time got a buzzed enough to hit the dance floor at the Moms’ Night Out. Does this mean we should drive her to Betty Ford tomorrow? No.
Uncle Joe was drunk at Christmas and a week later at New Year’s Eve! Is it time to take him to rehab? Probably not. (I mean if Joe is like that daily, maybe. But the occasional holiday hoopla does not a drunkard make.)
My point is, like most parts of parenting, you have to do what is right for you. You also have to let those that judge roll off your back. Don’t let others tell you what is right or wrong for your family. Talk to your own family, in your own house, and come up with rules that are acceptable for your roles. Of course, there are laws. You can’t have underage drinking going on. You can’t drive. You can’t even be in public completely intoxicated. Those are laws. You’ll have to take those ones up with Uncle Sam.
But, within reasonable parameters, you are the law in your house. You and your partner must decide what is right for you. I think, or I’d like to think perhaps with those I surround myself with, that most find casual drinking acceptable. Even my doctor said my levels are OK. And, praise the Lord, my liver agrees, with healthy levels at each annual blood test.
So, if it is not impacting your health, it is not impacting your relationships or family, and it is not impacting your day-to-day functions in life (work, chores, family)…no. No, I don’t think it is a crime to consume alcohol.
Even the big guy says mind your business. The Bible’s book of Matthew, Chapter 7 states “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” In fancy terms, He means mind your beeswax.
And if those in glass houses continue to throw their stones, my advice? Ignore them. You do what is right for you. There is always some other major parenting mistake I’m probably making elsewhere, so you’ll have plenty to gossip about there. Don’t fret.
Keep calm, and drink when you think you need to. It still is legal. I swear, even for moms.
See also:
Montco Mommy: Real ID A Real Pain In The...
Montco Mommy: Caring For Oneself Allows The Caring For Others
Montco Mommy: Struggling To Get Kids To Eat Healthy
Montco Mommy: Allowance Versus Responsibilities
